I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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