I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
