he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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