Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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