Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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