Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
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It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
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Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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