I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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