Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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