Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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