Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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