My underwear smells like fireworks.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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