dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
