Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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