So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize