Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
