It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
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so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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