pop tarts are not kleenex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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