I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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