it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
