I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
