Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
