community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
