Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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