dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
we're so committed to being not committed
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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