a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
so explain again why im purple
no
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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