apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
