Can Purell be used as lube?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
