can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
