The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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