So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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