and my herpes radar will keep us safe
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
