Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
