You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
