I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
