He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I would fuck him just for his dog
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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