Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
