Swine flu. Run for my life!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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