He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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