I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
