Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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