we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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