Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
