I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
