apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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