i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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