foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
