good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
