he thought i was a dude.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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