Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
