Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he thought i was a dude.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
