Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
