did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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