tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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