we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
