I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
