Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
