Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
