let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
