I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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