somebody snuck up and got me drunk
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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