I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
