Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
