where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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