sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
